A Disappointing Introduction to Birth

K has a little jeep and trailer that, lately, he's been using to cart around Thomas the Train. His imagination has ramped up in the past few months, and he often plays with this particular jeep while narrating some fantastic little scenario. (loudly...because nothing K does is ever quiet) Which, is all very cute  and disarming until he began to narrates something about 'going to the doctor'.

Well, we don't go to the doctor unless it's a rather dire emergency, so I was a bit puzzled at his continual use of 'going to the doctor' as a scenario for using the jeep and cart. When I finally asked him why he was taking Thomas to the doctor, he responded, "Going to the doctor to get a Baby."


*SHOCK!* (Actually, it was more like total stunned silence while I stared at K with complete and utter disbelief...did that REALLY just come out of MY kid?)

I think I actually had to grit my teeth to refrain from saying something bad.

So, after talking a bit more about it, and digging into WHY exactly he thought one need go to a doctor to get a baby, it turned out that the whole concept stemmed from the movie, Babies.

Seriously...THAT movie convinced my kid that we need doctors in order to bring home babies.

*sigh* He liked the Mongolian birth scene because it involved the woman and bundled newborn riding home from the hospital on a motorcycle. Cool right?

It's not that I've kept any information surrounding birth 'secret' from K, it's just that he's TWO. So, his exposure is along the lines of Big Belly+_____=Baby. Apparently, the blank has now been satisfied by 'doctor' because it all involves the use of an awesomely loud motorcycle.

....

This is all very alarming to me because it's just not how I or N view birth. I don't believe that birth has any place inside a medical establishment outside of life-threatening emergency situations. I think it's a natural bodily process that does not require the 'assistance' of a doctor. (outside of a few emergency situations)

I readily support midwives, doulas, homebirth, and unassisted births and pregnancies.

This is the exposure I want my son to have. It's sad to think that showing him one beautiful movie has already presented birth to him in a way that is just false.

I'm sure his view of things will change as he grows older and his exposure increases, but for now, I'm on the hunt for any and all picture books that illustrate homebirth...or midwifery...or doula work. Any suggestions?

Criteria for Birth Assistants

There's an interesting thread over at Mothering.com's forum asking whether or not you would hire a doula and/or midwife who had never before given birth. It's a puzzler to me, because the issue seems SO clear cut in my head that I'm rather shocked to find that my opinion seems to be held by only a very tiny minority of responders.

Interesting.

I would never hire a doula or midwife who had never given birth. Maybe that sounds extreme to say never, but, for me, it's 100% true.

When I attended my DONA birth doula training shortly after K's birth, I was surprised back THEN by the same thing. Out of a dozen or so trainees, maybe two of us had ever given birth. Even back then, when my current opinions on birth ect... weren't quite formulated, I was sure that I could never hire one of these doula-to-be's until she had given birth. Now, having seen the trend of this thread, I've been thinking a lot about why I feel so strongly.

To start with, I absolutely don't doubt that one can be a wonderful midwife without having given birth herself. However, I don't think she will be the BEST midwife she's capable of being until she herself has experienced conception, pregnancy, and birth for herself. And, frankly, given the option, I would only want the very BEST.

For example, I had rather awful morning sickness with K. I couldn't eat anything for weeks, and then suddenly I craved nothing but white rice and canned tomatoes with extra salt. I had tried ginger in a whole variety of forms, ice, lemon tea, pinching the inside of my wrist, eating while still in bed, ect...but still it was tomatoes and rice that allowed me to relax into my first trimester. Knowing now, the nutritional needs of a pregnant woman, I'm rather appalled at my first trimester eating habits. HOWEVER, I also fully recall the feeling of being dreadfully nauseas 24 hours a day for weeks. It's something I would want my midwife to recall as well. Not that everyone will experience the same levels of morning sickness, but having experienced ANY level of it would be enough to know that a woman in the first trimester battling morning sickness, absolutely doesn't need anything but sympathetic suggestions of healthy foods. If I hired a midwife who had not previously given birth, I would be afraid that she would think in more clinical terms...and be more apt to disprove of my canned tomatoes and rice even as that might be LITERALLY the only thing I can eat.

And, of course there are countless examples of similar positions throughout an entire pregnancy where thinking only in more clinical terms simply wouldn't cut it...for me at least. I would need that full connection of kindred spirits who have been there, done that to feel fully at ease.

It seems odd that more women don't share these sentiments.

As for a doula, well, she's there entirely for emotional support. Yes, she offers more , but the primary reason why anyone would hire a doula would be for the emotional support. So...why would you hire a woman who's never given birth to offer you emotional sympathy and support during YOUR birth?

It TOTALLY doesn't make sense to me.

I think some of my extremism might stem from my feeling that I will probably birth unassisted next go around. I support midwives AND doulas, but maybe I feel that I don't need their clinical assistance so much as their emotional support since, pending some unforeseen emergency, I can't see myself utilizing any of their other roles.

Anyway, it's an interesting thread, you can check it out HERE.